Honesty

Now Playing: Train (on Pandora)    

     One thing I've been horrible at in the past is being honest. I'm not saying I'm a compulsive liar but I always withhold things and I really can't hold stuff in anymore. I've been wanting to start a blog for awhile now but never took the time. I don't assume this will turn into some movie and everyone will feel bad for me or whatever. I just want a place to vent without someone judging me or looking at me like I'm weak.

     There's a guy I see somewhat regularly at my pharmacy. Super nice guy, always asks how you're doing and its not just something he says. I can remember about a year ago I was getting a new prescription and he had to talk to about the side affects so he brought me in his office and we had a great conversation about football, golf, basketball etc.. Just guy stuff but he was a nice guy. Well, I found out this morning that he died in a car crash on his way to work. The guy had kids and he's the one that dies. I completely don't understand how all that works. I'm not saying one individuals life is more important than another but a lot of it doesn't make any sense.

     I guess I should say something about my knee too. On June 28, 2009 I blew out my knee working and spent two and a half months in horrible pain. Then, on September 14, 2009 I had surgery on it and the doctor said it was the best way to go. Well, since last year I've been limping and the last few months its gotten even worse so I go in for MRI on January 7, 2011. By the way, I'm 23 and was very athletic and loved playing golf and football. I haven't swung a golf club since spring of last year and that really hurts. The pain I could easily deal with but I can't walk on it now because it won't even hold me. Of course I've gained weight and lost muscle and gained way too much fat. I can't even work now, which sucks so bad because I'd love to be doing something besides sitting around all day feeling sorry for myself.

     Oh and my car broke down today and I'm pretty sure I have to replace it which is great because I have no money for that. Ya know, I've never done anything like this. "This" being actually talk about my problems. Some of my closest friends don't know how much emotional pain I'm in because I was brought up to "be a man" and show no pain (emotional or physical), so its been really hard for me to talk about anything with people. Hopefully, doing this will relieve some pressure off my shoulders. I'm tired of carrying everything with me.

     Last thing, if I make any mistakes or leave a word out or whatever you can correct me. I absolutely hate making mistakes. I'm quite meticulous. :)